Depression! Navigating & Moving Beyond It
The Soul-Sucking Abyss of Depression!
I know, first-hand, how horrible depression can be.
It wipes you out and makes you feel like there's a nasty, black smudge on your life -- a public stigma. Then you often suffer in silence, and soon after, isolation and resignation begin to set in. You end up feeling like you're stranded on a desert island. You're like a castaway in a sea of people.
Depression is daunting by itself, but it also ratchets the battle with chronic illness up several notches. Many times the emotional pain and agony are more challenging to deal with than physical health complaints. The two together are all-encompassing and enough to bring the most strong-minded person to his or her knees.
If you've ever experienced depression, you understand what a soul-sucking, life-altering, and depleting experience it is.
I experienced my first bout of severe and life-altering depression when I was about 20 years old. It was triggered by years of unhealthy eating, lack of self-care, poor lifestyle habits, and an abusive boyfriend relationship to which I became addicted and co-dependent.
And, at the age of 26, when my journey with CIRS (chronic inflammatory response syndrome) began, depression became an ongoing and often disabling struggle for me.
I spent years attempting to restore my health with little to no success. It cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars, and I endured a series of highly traumatic experiences along the way. As a result, I developed a full-blown case of anhedonia.
Anhedonia is a subset of depression where one emotionally flatlines. You can no longer feel or anticipate joy, and in fact, you cannot experience any positive emotion at all. I was in utter HELL.
Looking back on the horrific physical symptoms I endured with chronic illness -- and many were BRUTAL -- I have to say that depression (and its sidekick anxiety) were the most painful and disabling of them all. And, they always made the physical and life challenges way worse.
Because of this experience, I dedicated myself to learning as much as I could about it. I learned how to dig myself out of depression, even when my body felt as though it was betraying me for months and years on end.
I now want to share some knowledge with you.
What Depression Is, And What It Isn't
Depression is a flatlined emotional state. It's hopelessness, helplessness, and numbness rather than sadness. It simply says, "why bother?"
Motivation to get out of depression is lacking: there is NO energy and NO desire! There is a foreboding, endless sense of despair. There’s a desire to sleep, but deep, healing sleep is often impossible to attain.
Your brain is bent on seeing things negatively and pervasively. It evokes a feeling of “I am broken," and it feels as though the depression has come to define your whole life and you as a person. It has left you feeling marked as DEFECTIVE.
I am here to tell you that depression does not define you! You are NOT your depression. You are 100% worthy, despite your depression. And, no, you are NOT defective because you are depressed.
Furthermore, depression is not something you choose or that you create in your mind. It is an expression of physiological and psychological chaos fueled by widespread inflammation and unresolved trauma.
What Causes Depression?
Imbalances in body, mind, and spirit:
Depression can be triggered by one significant traumatic event but is often a multi-factorial experience involving imbalances in body, mind, and spirit. The way I see it, depression is often the result of genetic predisposition that expresses itself due to environmental epigenetic influences.
By this, I’m referring to factors such as unresolved trauma (which comes in many forms), lack of self-care, broken biochemistry leading to widespread inflammation, unrelenting psychological stress, destructive thinking patterns, and more.
Broken biochemistry is caused by stressors such as blood sugar and insulin dysregulation, gut dysbiosis, chronic infections, high toxic burden, a frazzled nervous system, and more.
All of this leads to reduced cellular energy production and chronic inflammation, particularly neuroinflammation, which I believe to be the primary drivers of all mood disorders.
Plot twists in your life story:
Depression can happen when the storyline you had in mind for life does not come to fruition, or it takes a series of unwelcome twists. This happened to me!
The story I was working on writing was ...
“I’m going to have a successful career as a high school teacher and soccer coach, get married, have a rock-solid marriage, have a kid or two, love my job, and remain fulfilled and rewarded in that job until I retire.”
This did not happen. My life story was hijacked and carried off to a far-away land!
Falling down the rabbit hole of chronic illness caused an entirely different story to be written that I had not approved!
Most people have a vision for what they want their life to look like, but life delivers twists and turns, and the story becomes altered to varying degrees. The plot twists we experience in life may or may not lead to depression. The outcome depends on our response to these events.
Resisting emotions:
Resisting emotions can lead to depression because it's exhausting to keep our feelings bottled up. Resisting emotions (which is very common, by the way) can cause a chain reaction of trapped emotions, chemical changes, and internal conflict that leaves you drained and disoriented.
Complications That Cause Further Spiral Downward
Lack of energy:
There must be enough cellular energy in the system to evoke the desire to invest in yourself and the interest in changing behavior that contributes to depression.
Shame:
The shame associated with depression often causes us to hide the fact that we are depressed. Many of us often don't admit we are depressed, maybe even to ourselves. Thus, we don't reach out for help, and ultimately, this usually worsens depression.
Bad decisions:
There are two rules to consider here:
Don’t believe any thoughts you have when you’re depressed, as they are not true
Avoid making important life decisions when you’re depressed
Habit:
We often create habits of negative emotional responses. We then become addicted to them!
Perpetual, habitual, negative thought patterns will spin us into an abyss of exhaustion and, eventually, depression. Humans are notorious for engaging with habitual, destructive, and outdated thinking patterns. I indeed was for a long time!
Catastrophic responses to life circumstances:
Horrible, external circumstances do NOT cause depression. Our responses to those circumstances DO cause depression! Different brains have different thoughts and thus create different outcomes and different experiences. It's all based on perception and thought patterns.
As Jack Canfield explains throughout his life’s work, “Event + Response = Outcome.”
This concept helps explain why the same tragic event happening to two different people can result in one person becoming clinically depressed for years and the other being able to overcome it with greater ease.
We ALL have options and choices for how we think about and respond to the circumstances in our lives. It is normal to experience depression to varying degrees when horrible things happen. However, it is not normal or healthy to cling to the memory of those experiences and allow them to define us.
If we want to move forward, we must become mindful of the thought and behavior patterns we engage with and be willing to shift them.
Not getting needed medication:
I admit I am not a fan of psychotropic drugs. I do not feel they address the root causes of depression, and they all carry a risk of nasty side effects on the body, especially the brain and gut.
That said, I also understand that they can be helpful, perhaps life-saving for some when implemented with care, on a short-term basis, and knowing that they are only a tool amidst a comprehensive recovery plan.
Not getting medication when it is needed can slow progress to recovery for some, not all.
Sometimes medication can help simply by lifting the depression enough to become motivated to do things that will lead to healing! It can be a helpful transition that gives a "leg up" and moves us in the right direction. There is shame associated with taking medications, though, and many people don't take advantage of the opportunity to get the help they need.
Using medication is only a temporary lift. It does not mean we're relegated to a life on drugs.
Please note that the decision to take anti-depressant medication is a very personal one that needs to be approached with great care and from a space of being well-informed. I did take anti-depressants on a few different occasions for short periods in my journey.
While the first round was helpful to some degree, it left me feeling reckless and wired. The next few rounds only resulted in severe side effects, so I opted to find other avenues to support myself. At the same time, I addressed root causes and implemented all the strategies within this article.
Habits That Worsen Depression!
When it comes to depression, self-care and daily habits will either help us move forward or drag us further into the River Styx. Here are some factors that resulted in me spiraling deeper into the vortex of depression.
Excessive social surfing
Over-analyzing
Complaining
Commiserating with others
Rumination
Fret and worry
Approval-seeking
All-or-nothing thinking
Multitasking
Reacting v Responding
Not enough sunlight
Mouth breathing, especially while sleeping
Quick, shallow chest breathing
Sugar, excess carbs, and a crappy diet in general
Fast eating
Late-night eating
Eating too little or too much
Too little water
Being too sedentary
Too much tech
Daily Practices That Impact Depression Positively!
Good nutrition:
Finding the proper diet and getting the necessary nutrients impacts how we feel in many ways. It's an act of self-love to make good food and take care of ourselves, and it might surprise you how powerful this one thing can be.
Supplementation:
Depression is a form of unhealthy stress. Unhealthy stress significantly impairs the body’s ability to extract enough nutrients from food and rapidly depletes the body of magnesium, b-vitamins, and essential fatty acids.
Supplementing with a high-quality source of these and other vital nutrients your body may need can often be an essential part of recovery.
Some other supplements that I’ve found to be helpful include:
Lithium orotate
Saffron extract
5htp
Tryptophan
SPM Active by Metagenics (in high doses)
However, keep in mind that the use of any supplements is very bio-individual and best guided by a qualified practitioner.
Exercise and engaging in nourishing movement, even if only 5 minutes per day to start:
No matter how little, any movement will increase oxygen and blood flow and significantly impact how you feel. The more you move, however, the better. Walking and stretching are GREAT!
Good sleep hygiene:
Forming good bedtime habits produces consistent, quality sleep. Deep sleep resets the brain and reverses a host of problems!
Thought work:
Challenge and shift destructive thinking! Separate yourself from your thoughts! You are not your thoughts, and your circumstances do not mean you are this person. Identify and then shift catastrophic thinking to realistic thinking.
Avoid making things personal, pervasive, and permanent. An example of this is “I am a horrible person, my whole life is a waste, and nothing will ever get better for me.”
An alternative, more nourishing thought to engage with would be, “I am having a rough time right now, my life is surely not ideal, but I am working on shifting things, and nothing is forever; better days will present themselves.”
Focus on the possibility of a brighter future:
Visualization and imagination go a long way!
Create plans and set goals, NO matter how small! Then follow through on them:
Plan your day, and then push yourself to go through the motions of those plans, even though it doesn't feel good to be doing so. Remember Newton’s First Law, “an object at rest stays at rest unless acted upon by an outside force.” You must be your own outside force!
Make todo lists for each day:
Even small or seemingly insignificant tasks can move life forward. Cross the tasks off as you accomplish them! This will help to increase dopamine levels.
Celebrate successes, no matter how small:
This could be as small as simply getting out of bed and taking a shower! If you are reading this article right now, celebrate that! A series of small successes lead to more significant achievements over time. We all have to start somewhere.
Expose yourself to positive input:
Read and listen to uplifting and inspiring things: books, podcasts, and YouTube videos. Consume information that negates depression and provides you with new perspectives and tools to implement! Drown out the negative voice in your head that is bringing you down.
Engage in activities that enhance neuroplasticity, which is a fancy word for learning:
This practice helps to calm the limbic brain (the stress center) and engage the prefrontal cortex, which is home to higher-level thinking skills. Do puzzles, write with your non-dominant hand, color in an adult coloring book, learn an instrument or a language, learn new (positive-focused) information of any kind, play a game that involves strategy, and the list goes on.
Make little decisions consciously and on purpose:
Instead of giving in to “why bother?" push yourself to make a decision even though it does not feel right or reasonable to do so. For instance, when depressed, you may be asked, “What do you want for breakfast?” Instead of saying, “It doesn't matter, I don’t care," make a decision.
Think about what you might want to eat if you were not depressed, and then state that. This will help to begin evoking a sense of self-empowerment and help to prune back negative neural pathways, and it will pave the way to making more significant decisions on purpose in the future.
Strive to intentionally shift into a state of gratitude and cultivate an appreciation for things that bring you joy:
If you don't or cannot feel any joy, imagine what WOULD bring you joy and then appreciate it, no matter how small it may be. This could be as small and simple as drinking a cup of your favorite coffee or tea.
Make your bed, bathe, and get dressed every day:
It doesn't matter if you go anywhere or do anything. Do this no matter how exhausted you are. These simple acts send an intentional message to your cells and the universe saying, proper “I’m showing up no matter. I love myself. I am serious about moving beyond this depression!”
As Winston Churchill said, “When you find yourself going through hell, keep going!”
Do some neural-rewiring journaling each day, even if for only 5 minutes:
This is vital work to explore patterns that are no longer serving you, prune back unsupportive neural pathways, step into more expansive thinking and raise your vibration.
Here are few prompts to get you started:
What are three things you’re grateful for today and why?
What are three successes you can celebrate today, no matter how small? This could be as small as getting out of bed or as large as earning your college degree. You decide!
What belief have you held from childhood that you have yet to challenge?
What’s an idea or concept that has had a significant favorable influence on your personal or professional life?
If you were to put just 5% more effort into taking better care of yourself, what three small steps might you take?
What would those that know you the best say are your greatest strengths? What about your weak spots?
Make a list of 3 positive feelings that you want to feel, and then imagine yourself feeling them.
Incorporate TRE® exercises, which stands for Trauma Release Exercises:
This technique was created by Dr. David Berceli and is aimed at helping the body to release deeply stored tension patterns from the body as a result of unresolved trauma and prolonged stress states. TRE® was and is still integral for me!
Reduce your time on social media and technology in general:
Even when we’re perfectly healthy, excessive social media and tech, in general, are burdens to our nervous systems. When we’re depressed, they become insurmountable stressors and often fuel depressive thoughts.
Read an actual book or arrange to talk to a real person instead. Instead of surfing social media, consider exploring guided meditations and breathwork instead.
Recovery Requires a Bio-Individualized Approach
There are no one-size-fits-all recovery plans for everyone when it comes to unraveling depression. Depression is often the result of many factors that converge into what I often refer to as “The Perfect Storm” of factors and events and therefore requires a multifactorial, personalized approach for recovery.
Working on the above daily practices will take you a long way towards digging yourself out of depression, but hidden physiological stressors that lead to broken biochemistry and unresolved trauma often take time and patience to sort out. In light of this, you may need more help and a deeper-level investigation.
Working with a knowledgeable holistic health practitioner that can help you identify what is keeping you stuck in a vicious cycle of depression and then help you create a personalized recovery plan can be a powerful way to turn your life around!
In the meantime, if you’re interested in learning more, here are some books that I have read over the years that provide great insight into overcoming depression and healing your body, mind, and life.
The Story You Need to Tell: Writing to Heal From Trauma, Illness, or Loss by Sandra Marinella, MA, MEd
Healing From Trauma by Jasmin Lee Cori, MS, LPC
A Mind of Your Own by Dr. Kelly Brogan MD
Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin E. P. Seligman PhD
The Mood Cure by Julia Ross MA
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
The Joy of Appreciative Living by Jacqueline Kelm
Healing Depression The Mind-Body Way by Nancy Liebler PhD
Broken Open; How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow by Elizabeth Lesser
When the Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Maté
Question Your Thinking, Change the World by Byron Katie
You Are The Placebo; Make Your Mind Matter by Dr. Joe Dispenza